June — writing, learning dependence and being young
This month, God opened my eyes to the fact that there’s no other way to get to Him except through Him. That I can’t be Godly without Him. That I can’t be Christian without Christ. It feels like common knowledge, but I’ll be honest when I say that it only hit me this month.
I’ve realized that a lot of us try to work out our salvation using our strength. We try to do this Christianity thing without God. It’s no wonder why I tend to feel condemned when I lose my streak of quiet time with God every morning. It’s no wonder why I almost feel depressed when I fall and make mistakes.
My friend wrote something brilliant and beautiful here. It had the theme of wanting to impress God to the point where a lot of things now become performative. We now focus on our works, rather than focusing on Jesus who is the author and finisher of our faith. Essentially, it all starts and ends with Him, because at the end of the day, He is the one who prunes and makes us able to bear fruit. All we have to do is stay with Him. Nothing more. Don’t worry about whatever it is you’re not doing right, just be in Him and stay with Him.
12 Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed — not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence — continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13 for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose- Philippians 2:12–13
I was studying my Bible one of these days and Paul was talking about wanting to gain Christ and be found in Him. In other words, to be found relying and believing in Him. This is my desire. That regardless of anything, I am found relying on, and believing in Him. It should be your desire, too. Because at the end of the day, this entire walk of faith is based on our dependence on Him.
In service the other day, I learnt that there is a God-shaped vacuum in every man. For God to fill that vacuum, there has to be fellowship with Him. It is through this fellowship with Him that we are drawn closer to Him. Our desires change. Our thoughts are different. Even our prayers change. Isn’t it amazing that He has not told us to run off and look for help? Isn’t it amazing that He Himself is our help? It’s like He’s saying, here is the problem, but don’t stress, because I am the solution. Just keep your eyes on me.
I have the analogy of those laptops that run on prayers and God’s mercy. The ones that have to be plugged in the sockets to stay alive. The moment they are unplugged, they die. It is in the same manner that I am reminded to constantly stay plugged into my source, and God is my source.
One Sunday in June, I was talking to a friend after church about how I don't know what I'm doing right. I am well aware of the things I am not doing well, but when it comes to the things I am doing well in, it’s silent. I’m doing things wrong even when I’m not conscious of it, surely there has to be stuff I’m doing right even though I’m not conscious of it.
I have been writing for as long as I can remember. I have been writing stories since I would rewrite Enid Blyton’s stories and add my own twists and read them again happily. Writing is something I genuinely enjoy doing. In fact, writing is something I believe I have been created to do, but sometimes, it’s easy to forget its potential impact. I get so used to it to the point that it’s just another thing I enjoy doing.
I received a voice note from a friend I made while I was still studying in South Africa. Sarah was talking about how much I'd inspired her to start writing and how she was going to start her blog, and I found comfort and strength in her words. I would end up getting similar messages that same week, and I am convinced that writing is not just another thing for me, it’s something I have been blessed by God to be able to do. It is through writing that I will talk about my experiences. It is through writing that I will talk about Him.
About a week ago, I saw a friend's WhatsApp status and she was marveling at the finality of death. To conclude, she said to “never admire quietly". And so, I implore you to reach out to those you admire. Reach out to those you are grateful for. Don’t stifle those kind, uplifting words, let them out.
Someone just popped into your mind. Come on, go ahead.
I’m not sure why I ever thought being young was such a bad thing. Am I even that young? One of my friends from primary school will be getting married in a few weeks.
“You’re young, and that’s a good thing because there is more”
There’s more. More people to reach. More people to meet. More places to go. More things to write. More time to laugh.
And one thing I’m grateful for, is knowing God at a young age.
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