If there’s one thing I learnt this month, it’s about friendships and the fact that they are intentional. Very intentional. I once mentioned in one of my posts that as a conceptual metaphor, friendships are plants. If you nurture it consistently, you watch it bloom. If you fail to take care of it, you watch it die. I know that as you grow older, having and keeping friends gets tricky. But for a person like me who has never really had many friends, it is trickier.
I sat with my friends one day in the month and we talked about how to be better friends to each other. It felt interesting. To have people to discuss this kind of things with. But what was more interesting was the awe I felt at how distinct each person is. Each person with their personality, thought process and fragility.
It’s been a month since I uninstalled Twitter, and it feels so good not having to hear the thoughts of random strangers daily. I realized people have very twisted ideas about a lot of things, and friendship is one of them. I see a lot of cutting off, as opposed to talking things out and solving issues. I see a lot of putting romantic relationships as a placeholder for other relationships, as though it’s the most important. We rarely talk about how maintaining good friendships could bless us. We rarely talk about how friendships require effort and communication, the same way a romantic relationship does.
It almost feels like no one wants to be honest anymore.
Take care of your friendships, especially the ones you know are worth it. Put your ego aside. Pray for each other. Be open. Communicate your hurts. Understand your personalities and act accordingly (a “friend” once told me she hated me because she thought I was weak due to my sensitive nature, ha). Extend grace to each other.
I love how Apostle Joshua Selman doesn’t fail to remind us how important the gift of friendship and discernment in friendship is. To know who to keep around, to know who to let go of, and also importantly, to know when the season of friendship with a person is over.
“I heard more self-criticism than the things you actually did well”.
These were the words of my lecturer to me when I presented a podcast I’d done in my Writing for Media class.
I find it funny that when the year started, I made a note to be kinder to myself. To not beat myself up for things I don’t have much control over. To be gracious to myself and not stress about the things I think I could have done better. To make mistakes, learn from them, and do better the next day.
I’m not sure how well that’s going, but I’m also not trying to beat myself up over the fact that I haven’t seen a significant change. Es paso a paso y dia a dia.
This month, I would wake up on so many mornings with the first verse of the hymn ‘What a Friend We Have in Jesus’ in my head (as a person who grew up in a Baptist home, I seem to know the first verses to a LOT of hymnals). It’s a beautiful hymnal that brings tears to my eyes and warmth to my heart. To think there’s a lot of peace and calm I forfeit because I overthink instead and don’t talk to Jesus, and to know that He has promised to bear my burdens, take me in His arms and shield me.
This month, I experienced more low moments than highs, and I found myself being unable to pray. Not that I didn’t want to, but each time I opened my mouth, nothing came out. I would end up telling myself and knowing that God heard the prayers in my heart. The ones I couldn’t speak.
Sometimes, I wonder what God looks like. I wonder what His laugh sounds like. I wonder if He has a forehead that creases when He isn’t happy. I wonder if He has fingers that move things around and causes things to happen. I wonder if He has arms and what a hug from Him would feel like. I wonder if He has eyes that water when He sees how hard I try to do things with my own strength.
Now that I think about it, it really must be faith to believe in a person we can’t see. It really must be faith to believe a person who works in mysterious ways.
Ah, God. God. God.
Is it possible to adore a person but fail to show it or let them know? Is it possible for you to care about a person so much but they fail to see it?